Sometimes, when we look at our life, it's hard to find meaning.
Here's a very personal way I got my answers about my life, what I went through, and why. - You like when I’m honest, right? Ok… so… I need to tell you: I felt like you were not protecting me, when “x”, “y”, “z” (private thoughts!) happened. Why did I “have to” go through this? (Did I have to go through it, or it was simply my choice?).
[Did you believe you could go through life without being hurt? Pain is a part of it all… at least for now, at this moment in human’s evolution. If I had protected you, you wouldn’t have lived at all.]
- Yes, but… Did You love me? And if You did, why haven’t I found the man to walk with me on this Earth? You could have put him on my path… I could have been spared that pain, at least. I mean, isn’t love the most important thing? (A little bit of resentment, here!).
[Remember how you thought humans were… you thought they were all looking for love and, once they’d find it, they’d glow, love life, themselves and you. Right? That love would set them free.]
- Yes… But that’s not what I saw. Love can turn a beautiful man (or woman) into a monster by fear of losing the person he loves. I thought we all shared the same desire, to know that unconditional love, and I was wrong.
[You were not wrong: every human being has that longing.
Simply, not everyone knows: 1) what it is; 2) what it means; 3) how it’s lived.
It can be a very unsettling thing to experience, when you’re not used to it.
Remember some of your ex’s: they panicked because they felt they had to prove something, to do something, to fix something, to buy something, in order for you to love them. They couldn’t accept to be loved simply for who they are, without having to be useful, to prove their love.
But… can you imagine? If you spent your whole life fearing that the love you have will be taken away if you don’t do what is expected of you and, suddenly, someone tells you you’re free to be who you choose to be, and you’ll be loved anyway?]
- Yes, but I never thought it could be interpreted as: “You can do anything you want with me… even be violent”. My love, or at least my presence, became conditional. And it saddens me, because I would really, really love to love unconditionally.
[You walked away. You forgave them. Your presence is conditional to the love you receive, but your love is unconditional (hence, the forgiveness). You have to choose who to surround yourself with, because you can’t have everybody in your life.
So, make sure the people who are close to you, love you with the same understanding of what love is.
Those men we were talking about, in their understanding, it wasn’t safe to be who they are : they had too many shadows, too many monsters, that even they didn’t want to see. How could they share them with you? Or bring them into the light and face them themselves? They didn’t even know who they really were!
Some also panicked because they thought if you walked away, they would never again be loved this way… and they tried to force you to stay… which made you go away.].
- Mmm… But… Why did I have to understand that we don’t all share the same vision, understanding of Love? Why did I have to face those twisted interpretations? To even be mistreated for being loving, fulfilled and happy? I could have had a wonderful love life with someone who shared that kind of Love?
[Life is not always about you… You changed those men. But even more than that, tell me: would you have been able to understand humans the way you do now, if you hadn’t gone through it all? Would you have understood their pain, their despair, their sadness? Their anger, their jealousy, their violence?]
- No… Because until I was something like 20 years old, there was always You. No matter what I was going through, You were always there, in my mind and in my heart. I could let everything go, because of You.
Until I couldn’t make sense of… nothing anymore.
I was lost, in an unending nightmare.
When I thought it was finally over, something else came up. And it was piling up, burying me deeper and deeper…
Where were You? Why didn’t You make it stop?
[I was right there. I was sending you signs, to remind you how much I love you. But you know that.
I couldn’t make it stop because it was your path. You needed to know all those feelings humans do. You had to believe I let you down, that I walked away, that I forgot about you. You… had to lose faith. To know despair. So you could build it back, and then share it with others.]
- And that’s why I did live in such a blissful state in my late teen years? First, to know what it’s like, and then, to realize that even with what I knew, I could forget about You, and fall into despair?
[Now, you can understand why humans have such a hard time feeling Me. Because even if you experienced that blissful state, life has thrown you down so many times that you forgot Me.
Can you have compassion for those who have never came close to feeling that way, and are praying for my Presence?
Can you be brave enough to simply share what you know? Even if, for lots of people, it won’t make sense, or they’ll reject what you say, or they’ll criticize and put you down?
Can you do it for Me?
After all, you say it yourself… I’m the only “thing” that really matters…(wink)].
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