As I stepped outside with my mom, I spotted my beautiful, gentle, tender, and loving cat perched on the stone wall, a tiny mouse trapped between his paws, ready to devour it.
I yelled and ran to him, desperate to stop what was about to happen.
He wasn’t supposed to do that.
He wasn’t supposed to kill.
He was supposed to be kind and loving.
He was supposed to be a part of nature, and nature was supposed to be a reflection of God—peaceful, good, and loving.
But now, here he was, holding a tiny creature whose life was slipping away… and I couldn’t understand why: wasn’t the life of a mice as valuable as the one of a cat?
Tears welled up as I stood there, trying to talk him into letting go of his prey.
My mom knelt beside me, her voice gentle and calm.
She tried to explain that this was nature. Cats feed on mice. Birds eat worms. It’s just… how the world works.
She was patient and rational.
Could she be right?
But I couldn’t make sense of it.
If nature is cruel—and it’s supposed to reflect God—then what does that say about It?
Does it mean God is cruel, too?
There was no time to truly grasp it in that moment.
The questions hung heavy in the air, unresolved.
Later, when we got home, I went into my room and laid down.
My mind drifted, chasing the threads of thoughts, struggling to make sense of it all.
The only thing I could do was choose.
To choose to have faith that God existed—and that It was Unconditional Love. If I was to truly believe in It, I had to trust It, to trust Love.
But it didn’t feel like enough. I didn’t have answers that satisfied me. Only fragments of a truth I couldn’t yet piece together.
It would take me many years before I could find an answer that felt… complete
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